A current Testimony

Life is a process of learning and growing. The testimony that I have to share with you is one that is still in the making, and it’s a joy to share my experience to inspire and edify those around me.

A couple of months ago, God began taking me on a path of spiritual maturity, and has been teaching me a lot about wisdom – what it means, and how it plays a critical part in the life of every believer.

I was given a book by a friend of mine that is a study and commentary on the book of James, and it’s rightly titled “Be Mature”. As I began reading, I learned that in the book of James, the Jewish Christian of the times faced some of the very things that we go through today. They were going through difficult trials that life can throw, and were also facing the temptation to sin. It caused much hardship and caused division among the early church. The main source of the problems was a failure to live out what they had professed to believe: that the power of Christ enables us to “grow up” into the people of God that we were always made to be.

As some of you may know who have heard me share my story, I have had to work hard to overcome quite a few obstacles in my life, some external, and some self-inflicted as I dealt (and still sometimes deal) with a fight or flight mentality. Each and every trial I’ve faced has taught me some valuable lessons and given me wisdom to keep and apply in the future. My prayer for the longest time has been: God, grant me the skillful Godly wisdom and understanding to not waste opportunities to mature.

God definitely heard my prayers, and I was definitely granted another opportunity to mature.

The past few months for me have been a roller coaster ride that has taken me through some highs and some lows. I’ve had a shifting and a shaking in my circle of friends. Though the shaking was rough and close to home, I have learned (and still am learning) valuable lessons on what it means to fear God alone and trust Him, but also how to love unconditionally with proper boundaries.

In the book of proverbs we’re presented with a valuable piece of wisdom that touches on this very topic:

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord and shun evil.

This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.

When the going gets tough all around, especially when it pertains to those around you, what do you do? If you’re anything like me, you probably try to fix things. I’m a very compassionate heart. I love friendships, and will often go out of my way to maintain them for as long as possible, and I love the opportunity to speak life into people whenever I am granted the opportunity. The mistake that I make is that sometimes I take it too far and sometimes I find myself trying to do what only the Holy Spirit can do, bring conviction.

I went wrong when I overstepped my bounds and tried to take matters into my own hands (all with a good intent). I found myself becoming hurt in the process, and in my hurt I acted out in motives that were driven by resentment. I ended up lying in order to search out truth, manipulating, gossiping, and accusing. All the more I did it, all the more I found myself the victim of conflict and confusion. It was a vicious cycle that seemed to have no end, and I found myself in a state of torment trying to figure out why I had lost the peace I once had in my life.

The bible is filled with scriptures that declare the greatness of God, how big, how grand, and how powerful He is, and we’re called to fear him. The Fear of God doesn’t mean that we run around in fear of a big angry bearded man in the sky, but it means that we understand how great He is, and revere Him in that regard. When we come to that place, we can harvest the rewards that it truly offers, and when we embrace the love that He gives, we can trust Him to move on our behalf and keep us in perfect peace. It is the fear of the Lord that is the beginning of wisdom

It’s only very recently that I was able to look at myself and come to terms with the fact that this was where I fell short. I failed trusting this great and mighty God. He calls us to cast our cares upon Him…to trust Him…and to lean not on our own understanding. The struggles we face in life only become battles that are won when we fight them in a place of prayer – surrendering to God, and giving Him the room to move on our behalf; “Let go, and let God.”

I was at a friends house a couple days ago where I was worshipping and praying and I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit whisper to my heart: “Do you trust me?”. He showed me a vision of a cracked vase that was on display. I saw the vase crack, and I saw my heart exposed. It was tattered and torn, ripped along the seams. I saw two large sewing needles coming along and sewing up the sides, mending the broken places. I then saw my heart being placed in a glass box that was raised up on a pedestal.

What I felt that the Lord was saying to me in this was that it was time for me drop the facade of brokenness. It was time to make amends and seek Him as my source of healing and deliverance. And that is where I stand today. I am on the road to healing, and I am excited to see what the future will hold as God delivers me from old ways of thinking, instills true wisdom, and continues to mature me.

If I can leave you with one thing I have learned, it’s this: When you ask God for something, He will not give it to you right now or the way that you want it. Sometimes he will take a period of time and walk with you through various testings and trials in oder to make sure that when he gives it to you that you are prepared to do something with it. For me, this was and is wisdom and maturity.

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~ by cheynejj on February 27, 2015.

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