Further in, further out

I’ve always been told growing up to Run to God during the hard times, and to take shelter under his wings. As much as it is true, and we are transformed from glory to glory, It’s left me facing a reality and a challenge. This challenge has also brought forth much revelation to me in my walk with God.

Humanity is much slower than God, and it takes time to catch up to the Holy Spirit. I feel that God is calling me into greater things than those I’ve settled for, and I’m slowly realizing that pressing deeper into him doesn’t mean hiding from all my problems, putting on a smile, and worshipping like there’s no tomorrow. That isn’t saying that breakthrough doesn’t lie in praise and worship – indeed it does. What God’s been revealing to me is that the further you press into Him, the further out you’re going to have to go.

Let me share a little about what I am going through…

Around April last year, there were two major emergencies in the family. It overwhelmed me and drained me to no end. It was but by the grace of God that I was able to bear a smile. From the outside, everything looked okay, but the reality was that I was 17, and left to care to the best of my abilities for two aging parents while being in school and working part time. I ended up skipping numerous days, weeks, and eventually months of school, and eventually gave up at the end of the year. I couldn’t do it. Because I was so hidden about what I was facing, I lacked the encouragement and support I needed to be able to walk through it with boldness.

As it stands this year, some more big things have come up, and everything around me is shaking. The mountains which stood in front of me last year are still there, and as ever present as they were when I backed down. Why? I simply never faced them, and I have yet to do so. I pursued God as if I were hiding in a closet and not coming out until they disappeared, and I still do.

It’s left me in a place of struggling with going to school again. It’s left me in a place where I am wondering what’s going on in my life and where I am going wrong, and why something as “insignificant” as fear is holding me back from doing all God’s called me to do, and be all he’s called me to be – His masterpiece and workmanship, wholly pleasing to God in Christ Jesus.

A close friend sat me down when we went out for coffee recently, and she said words which completely shook my perception of things. She told me this:

“Fear, is real.

Depression, shame, and condemnation – are all real.

Hurt, is real.

These things are called strongholds for a reason, because once they get a foothold, they can drag you down and tear you apart if you don’t rise up and come against them.”

When things around me begin to shake, I always use it as an opportunity to press into God – which is what we’re called to do, right? But what about when we don’t see change? What about when the breakthrough always happens at meetings or services, but when we leave the church, we walk back into the same dump of a situation we left?

I’m beginning to realize that these things are indeed mountains in my life, and that God calls me to conquer them in His name. I’m realizing that it’s not an easy task, and it’s going to take far more than constant surrender. What’s been the major revelation to me is that I’ve been doing things all wrong. I’ve been pursuing Him endlessly, but not taking the healing, strength and boldness he’s given me in such times outside the four walls of the church. Ultimately, It’s beginning to catch up with me.

I’m also finding that sometimes our human nature being as weak and fearful as it is can easily manipulate refreshing and refilling of the Holy Spirit for an escape from our situations in the same way one would cut, drink, or take drugs, but it’s not in any way, shape, or form what God wants us to do and it’s left me in a state or deep repentance, and crying out for truth in all areas.

I need your prayers, and your support. Because although I may not be very vocal about what’s going on – there’s a lot that God’s light needs to shine on. I’ve come this far, and I’m not backing down, but I need a little nudge to take a step or two! It’s Christ in me, the HOPE of Glory!

Be Blessed!

JJ

UPDATE (Nov 30, 2011): I started school again today, and it was great. Beforehand, I strongly felt God calling me to ask to be put on a tracking sheet. I wasn’t sure why, but I did out of obedience. It’s definately an open door from God because it’s my “last chance” to prove myself accountable. My teachers are a little more easy-going and understanding because I am on it, and it’s a motivator for me to go. Here’s looking to GREATER things, in Jesus’ name!

 

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~ by cheynejj on November 27, 2011.

One Response to “Further in, further out”

  1. Wow JJ this is really good

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